- The Waiting Room: The only things I like about this part are the tank of tropical fish in the middle of the room, and the occasional magazine of interest lying around. But I could do without the snot-nosed, sickly kids running around like they aren't sick, and the awkwardness of filling out that sheet they give with questions like, "Are you sexually active at the moment?" or "When was your last period?"
- The Nurse before the Doctor: Fortunately, these guys get easier to deal with every time you come in. They are so predictable. All they want is your height, weight, temperture, and blood pressure. It's the same questions every time too. No, I'm not taking, or allergic to any medications, thanks. The main problem I have with these guys is that they tell me what I already know, and they get paid for it! "OK. Looks like you're six foot seven, and weigh three hundred pounds." Gee, guess who could have told you that? Maybe the person you're torturing.
- The Pre-Physical: Not only do you have to answer those stupid questions on the sheet, you get to discuss them with the doctor herself! But again, it's a predictable routine. Yes, I wear my seat belt. No, I'm not feeling sick or ill. No, I'm not sexually active at the moment. No, I don't plan on being soon. Yes, I'm sure. See? Piece of cake. The hardest part is not being sarcastic with your answers. I was very tempted to give her all the wrong answers, just to mess with her mind. Good thing I didn't, or I'd have been there a lot longer. But then...
- The Physical: There aren't many things in this world that make me uncomfortable by just thinking about them, but this is one of them. Yesterday's episode was no exception. Always a scarring moment, always. I really could have told her that nothing was wrong with me. She didn't need to look. Or feel. Ok, we're done.
- Urinating in a cup: This part can't be anything but awkward either. The worst is when you don't have to go, and they make you drink water and wait. As I sat in the bathroom, I was extremely tempted to just take the cup, dunk it into the toilet, and then put it in that little cubby hole and wait for a response. I wonder what they would have done. Would they have been mad? What do you say to that? "Nice try. Now go pee for real this time." I don't know. But it would have lightened my very dark mood. Perhaps next time I shall bring some yellow food coloring with me and give it a shot. Oh, I almost forgot. Afterwards, the nurse told me that my urine looked fine, but that it was very concentrated and I need to drink more water. Again, something I could have told her. Can you see how all of this really isn't necessary?
- Shots: Can you believe these people? After having the nerve to do what they did, they go and stick me. Usually shots and blood drawing doesn't bother me. Usually it doesn't hurt. Usually I can't even feel it. Yesterday was an exception for some reason. The three shots didn't hurt much, but I felt them, and my arms were sore for the rest of the night. Thanks a lot.
The appointment ended with a discussion between my mom and the doctor about my acne problems. It was as if I wasn't even there. Yes, I have zits, thank you. Thanks for noticing. Geez. No wonder I walked out to the car completely cheesed off.