Thursday, March 30, 2006

Close encounters with the Rand kind

Before I begin, I'd like to mention that I had the hardest time getting a picture of Rand on here. I had a better one in mind, but it wouldn't load, darn it all. Oh well, the monkey look will have to do.

Rand is an interesting character. One minute he's your best friend, but mess around and he's your worst nightmare. You don't want to tick him off. When I first became a manager, I lived in constant fear of his wrath, especially on game days. As the season progressed, I figured out that I could relax and that he's harmless. However, before we managers ever do anything, the question is always, "What will Rand do if..." Being my mischevious and slightly rebellious self, I have had a few run-ins with this man. Fortunately, I'm still alive. If you've already heard these stories, stop reading now.

Run-in #1: The Bathroom Story

Once upon a time, it was very hot in English, and I took the hall pass to get a drink. I hardly ever use the bathrooms in the English hall (remember this). As I was getting a drink from the fountain in between the two bathrooms, who should come down the hall but Mr. Rand Rasmussen. It was just the two of us in this very long, empty hall.

I panicked because I didn't have anything to say, and I knew that he was going to say something to me on his way to the bathroom. The last thing I wanted to do was looked like a stuttering idiot in front of Rand, thinking it might have uncomfortable consequences later. So, I thought that if I went into the bathroom as if I was planning on it, stood in there for a few seconds till I knew he was in the bathroom, then left and went back to English, I could avoid an awkward situation. "Sounds like a plan," I quickly thought to myself.

Forgetting that the bathrooms are switched in the English hall, I nonchalantly stepped towards the boys bathroom, pushed open the door, and entered what I thought was a safe zone. Before I saw the urinals I heard Rand holler, "I wouldn't go in there Packard!" Confused, I turned around to see what he wanted, and then my heart sank as I read the words "Men's Restroom" on the door. He laughed, and I quickly replied "Yeah, good thing you were here to save me," as he entered and I exited.

As I walked back to English, I heard him talking to someone in there, so I'm glad I didn't go in far enough to be seen by anyone. I couldn't believe that in my attempt to avoid attention, I drew it all to myself. So much for being smooth.

Run-in #2: The Hat and the Stick Story

When the season's over, the managers get to sit up in Rand's room and do whatever they please once "The Book" is done. We check our email, talk, write on the board, talk, watch old games (yes, we are that bored) , talk, scrapbook, talk, and once in blue moon we do homework.

When the cat's away, the mice will play, right? One day Rand was gone, and I thought it would be fun to parade past occupied classrooms throughout the school wearing Rand's sponge-like Spalding basketball hat and his gigantic glasses while waving his pointer stick up and down like Professor Harold Hill. It was fun, actually, but I'm afraid the fun didn't last.

While practicing my baton skills, I dropped the stick and it broke. It was one of those "time stood still" or "life flashed before my eyes" moments. This wasn't just any break either, it was a wooden one. You know, the splintery, not very clean kind? I ran down to the woods room with two other managers, all of us feeling that this was my death day. To cut to the chase, we found some Elmers glue, and went back up to Rand's room.

As we opened the door, we could hear him and realized that he had come back. I booked it down the hall. Hate to admit it, but I went and hid in the bathroom, like a chicken. I was so scared standing in front of the mirror with his stolen hat and broken stick in my hands. I eventually worked up enough courage to go back, and I walked in like nothing had happened.

He was on the phone when I came back in, so he didn't notice me put his hat back on the shelf. He did catch me trying to rubber-band his stick back together though. To save time and space, I'll color code our conversation: "Why are you putting those on my stick?" "Oh, well, it's broken." "How'd it break?" "It was...uh...dropped." "Did you drop it?" This was it. I thought I was a gonner, seriously. Who gets away with breaking Rand's stick? No one. "Yes." "Hey! It's alright! I broke it yesterday, and accidentally swore in front of my class! Now I'm going to have to get a new one!"

Huh? The stick was already broken? Did that really happen? Yes, it did. I came off victorious again, with my life mind you.


Melissa said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Melissa said...

Love the title for this post. I know exactly what you mean. Rand scared the beejeebers out of me during my timid adolescence. I'd say more about it, but I'm too frightened he'll find out and make me run ladders.

"What doesn't kill ya, makes ya stronger."

Abby Norman said...

wow! I never heard these awesome stories! You are such a mischievious little prankster, you. Man, I have nothing in that field to use...He he! Great stories! You made me laugh my head off! (Well, that's not quite true, seeing that my head is still attached to my body...)

Michelle said...

I love that Rand actually saw this.

Favorite Rand quotes:
"That's why there will never be a woman president."
"What does that make us... Giraffe Poo?!" (hahahaha....i'll have to tell you about that one sometime.)

Melissa said...

Did Rand actually laminate this for archival purposes? I'm so glad someone tipped him off. Much too entertaining.

Brittany said...

I don't know if he'll actually laminate it. Rand did have me print it off and cut it out once he was done reading it out loud for me. It was weird hearing him say, "Rand is an interesting character," "he's your worst nightmare" "when the cat's away the mice will play, right?" and things like that. Gotta love it!

J-Pack said...

I found this to be highly entertaining. It made me feel better about myself because it always seems to me that the most embarassing/weird/funny/unlucky things happen to me. I now know that I am not the "only one." And that has made all the difference in who i have become and will be! Probably... anyways thanks for being such a great look alike cousin! It's awesome let me tell ya! way to play it smooth!

Garrison said...

He read and printed that off? Oo! It made me happy